I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
whose ass print is on the piano?
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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