get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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