You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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