Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
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