This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Come see our sink grown plant.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
