she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
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