drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
