Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
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