The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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