My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
