There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
someone owes me an orgasm
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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