There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
