I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
