i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
