My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
