I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
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