How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
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