I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
