So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
how does that bad decision feel?
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
