Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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