wat bout pragnant strippers??
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Randomize
