is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Randomize
