My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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