Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Randomize
