Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
