I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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