the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
