i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
