if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
