I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
