so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
