I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
