id be glad to
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
