i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
