chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
