You can't motorboat a personality
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
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