Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
being pregnant is like rehab
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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