Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
