I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
