Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
