Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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