you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
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