Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
