did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
we're chasing vodka with high fives
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
