I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
