How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
