Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
