Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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