She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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