just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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