I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
