census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
and she was petting her beer can
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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