shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
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Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
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Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
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