I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
