doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
