I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Randomize
