so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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