A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I think i got beer on your cat.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
