Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
