I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Randomize
