he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
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I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
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THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
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