I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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