Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
