why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
