you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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