I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
