Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
