I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
