I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
